Eternal Sunshine

I always knew from the beginning that it would happen like this. I tried… tried it hard not to fall into the trap but when you are destined in a way, nobody could help you…not even God!! And I was destined to meet you.. It would have been better if it ends at the meeting only but its worst if never ends. And worth if you live  with it, for the rest of your life. I am glad that it happens.  And it happens for good. Thanks to you to be there for me always. I know, you don’t want to see me like this. But trust me, I am happy. Happy the way I am now. Do not worry about me. Your Golu is okay. Though sometimes I do miss you badly but it didn’t last longer. I always see you there...watching me.

Last night while sleeping I was listening FM. It was playing “Main Yahan Hun”…and I felt you deep inside me…somewhere deep inside my heart I felt you. I reach where I never intended to go. The song left me crying. I cried for hours pata nahi kab neend aa gayi. I felt quite heavy in the morning. Then I thought of talking to you.  And here I am.

Its been a year since I spoke to you. But you know I always speak with you. I always have you in my dreams. Sometimes I plan ki I should write down all my dreams whatever I see but I fail to do so. I didn’t get much of ‘ME’ time. My ‘Me time’ is when I am in my cab for office and it took more than an hour to reach office. And you always join me there. I could never go alone, you always follow me. I got lot of thoughts then which I want to jot down. And if I would have written them , I could end up with my first novel. Hence I am planning to buy a Tab so that I could write down whatever comes to my mind instantly. You know I spend a lot of my Me time with you, which I don’t want to do so. I want to utilize it.

You know the thing which we shared was so beautiful that I could never let my eyes off from it. It  never left me alone.  It is always there in me. And this thing will stay forever with me. No matter how hard I try to get rid off from this… it stays. And the feeling is so strong that even time has failed trying its bit. Now I completely surrender to this thing. I just embraced it and hugged it tight. I don’t want to leave it.. no matter what. Thanks for giving me such a gift. A gift for lifetime.  One day someone ask me “What does love mean to you”?  I said, “Love is a thing you can spend your whole life with, if you have it you don’t need anything else in life”. It just completes you.

Mean Manu

Its Saturday, hot and humid...Oh God!! I am getting late as its a morning shift I need to rush for the cab...and these cab drivers are never on time...they come early or late but never on time....and I hate this. As I got call from the company that Cab is on time.. I need to rush for the nodal point. I just grab my water bottle from the fridge and rush. I never leave my home without water bottle. I can be without food but not without my bottle.

As I reached early at nodal, hence have to wait.

I have a tendency to watch people, generally strangers, study them ...just scribble about them on my mind and then after few minutes,  it simply get erased  from my mind but there are few people who stays longer then others.

As per my habit, while I was waiting for the cab I saw a little girl begging. She was asking for money from all the people one by one. Nobody gives a damn to her. As I was watching her, she approached me too. As usual I just gave her a strange look but she insisted. I again just stare at her and said move on. But she had other plans , she looked at my bottle and said, "Get me some water". And I just could deny it and offer her water. She enjoyed my share of chilled water and walk away as if nothing happened. Only god knows how much I am possessive about water on such a hot day. I just can't share my bottle with anybody. I often took a fight in my office if somebody finishes my bottle. My whole team is quite aware of it, so nobody ever dares to touch my bottle. But this little girl simply get my most precious thing from my hand and enjoyed. Anyways, I thought its over. But to my dismay I saw another girl approaching me,  asking for money and then settle on water. WTF. My whole bottle finishes there. I am left with empty bottle. It was such a thing which I am not going to forget so easily.

And when I reaches office and told everybody about this incident...they just laughed off...

Sleeping With Another Man

Having sleepless nights for almost four-five months...I almost lost hope that whether I would ever be able to sleep peacefully....

Its heaven when you wake up in the morning and you found that your loved one is sharing the same bed..Its even better if its the one with whom you want to share or spend your life with,.. and when you woke up you found that you are there in his/her arms whole night...I do agree that sleeping with someone generally means sleeping with your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, or just with your ex's and which  in turns means  s** before sleep but its always not  the same...Sometimes you just find peace by thinking about a person and you simply sleep...Sometimes just by listening songs lets you sleep...Sometimes just good food put you at sleep..and  In worst case, you end up taking sleeping pills.. .WHOLE point is not how you surrender yourself to sleep but how you can just put your mind, body and soul to rest...how you comfort your soul while sleeping and I recently discover that sleeping in a man's arm no doubt put your heart at peace but keeping a baby in your arms and then sleep put your soul at calm and peaceful. 

AND..

 

Yes, I slept with this going to be a new man in my life....Yes..Yes...Yes..last night I slept with him...he is chow sweeeet...whole night he woke up in between just to get feed but jitna der bhi mein soyi he was with me ...holding me...cuddling and hugging ....WOW...simply AWESOME......

P.S. So to all my friends.....Main Mausi ban gayi hun....and we named him "Mannat" .....Khuchdoo for me....."Money" for sab gharwalas...and this post is dedicated to khuchdoo...  :) not you stupid...

If Only We Could Live.....

अस्पताल से आकर, तू चैन से सो रही है

मगर तेरी गर्भ में ये तेरी बेटी,आज बहुत रो रही है

मैंने तो अभी मुंह भी नहीं देखा ज़माने का 

कैसे कर लिया फैसला तुने मुझसे निजात पाने का

कल तो मैं टुकडो में पड़ी हुंगी, आज तो जी लेने दो

कुछ पलों के लिए ही सही,मातृत्व का रस पी लेने दो.

मै तो मासूम तेरी गर्भ में लेटी हूँ

कसूर बस इतना है की मै तेरी बेटी हूँ

पैदा करके मुझे, मेरी झलक देख लेना,

तेरी तस्वीर न दिखे तो जरूर फ़ेंक देना

अगर बच गयी तो चाँद पे जाउंगी

सफलता की खुशियाँ तुझ पे ही लूटाउंगी

रात भर का समय है, फिर से सोच  लेना...

अगर हो सके तो बस एक मौका देना....... 

The Battle I Love Most!!

Today I broke my sleep early just in order to check my mails. And I realized that its just 5:30... too early to woke up. I thought of sleeping again. Then a voice came over and said ' Hey Manu, you won the battle today, don't let your sleep win over you.'

I am having this war since I was born and I know, it would last till my last breath. That's the only fact I love about it that I know when it would end. The battle between Me and My Sleep is always on. Sometimes I win Sometimes She. Its always a kind of ' tug of war'.

When I was infant, my sleep was an unmatched winner. She always won as she was the only one who was playing. She always took advantage. But with each passing year, I started learning the tactics of this game. And she had won most of the titles. Later I realized it that my parents joins hand with her which make her win most of the times. It was not an even game. But I remember, Sundays were my days. :).

Now that the battle is still on but I loses the charm of winning. I let her win sometimes and sometimes she does the same. Its kind of mutual or with so much spent together, WE have become friends, don't know. This game is no more interested. We are kind of negotiating on rules. But I know very soon WE will be back on the battle ground with all the default rules.

Lesson-- worth Rs.5 only.

It was Saturday today..day for worshiping Shani . In north it’s a trend on this day you can find people on the roads with a utensil half full of mustard oil and a Shani placed in it, asking for money.

I was in market place, a lady came to me with one such utensil asking for money. I thought chalo let me make Lord Shani happy, as his son Surya is quite happy with me :D..he..he..he..kidding!!. As I checked my wallet, I didn’t get a coin to give her. After a through check into my purse I finally got a almost a badly ripped, disfigured & torn five rupee note. But as it was not crisp enough to give, I just said ‘sorry’ that I don’t have a change today. As I moved on, that lady called me and said “ aap de do , main chala lungi”. I smiled and gave her that.

It was quite shocking. People sitting in big shops just don’t take such Notes by saying that ” chalega nahi” , but for poor people, the same torn 5 rupee note means a lot. I learnt a lesson today. Yeah in five rupees only. Isn’t that cheap way of learning?

JUST A MOMENT!!

Your pic was open at my laptop screen... umm ...just like that...in fact , missing you (well ..To me he is my life..my sunshine..my everything..I feel that calling him "boyfriend" is an understatement..hence I never called him so). Suddenly reflection of sunlight made me realize that my screen is dirty..reflexively my hands started cleaning it...while cleaning it, I realized instead of cleaning screen my hands was moving on his face...........and I see that I am having tears in my eyes, I was crying.......it was such a mixed feeling that i could not understand. Of course I was missing him, but I never felt like this before. I always missed him but not like this. Finding it difficult to explain.

Sometime it seems difficult to understand a emotion till we experience it ourselves. You cannot summarize a feeling in few words. Feeling could only be understood by experiencing itself.